This Is a Picture of Me, Gonzalo Cordova

Please read on for my writing samples. I hope you enjoy them. Thank you so much for reading.

Planes, Trains, and Automo- HOLY SH*T A SHARK ATTACK!

Steve Martin went swimming with Martin Short and all I got was this lousy (awesome) photoshopped picture I made.

"I was born a poor great white shark."

Fw: Fw: Appreciate Beauty and Art and Junk Please

A few days ago, my aunt forwarded me the greatest email in the world. She prefaced the forwarded email with the following:

PLEASE READ. I ALMOST NEVER FORWARD STUPID THINGS TO YOU. LOVE, tia B.

I'm pretty sure what she meant to write was "I ALMOST ALWAYS FORWARD STUPID THINGS TO YOU." And I don't meant that negatively. I love stupid things always.

Here is the abridged version of the forwarded email:

Fw: Fw: The Violinist Playing in the Subway

A man sat at a metro station... and started to play the violin... He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes... it was calculated that thousands of people went through the station...

Three minutes went by and a middle aged man... slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule...

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the time...

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped... He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it...

No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell... He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.00 each...

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing some of the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?

For a second, I assumed this was just an urban legend, until I did a little journalism (i.e. googling) and discovered this was all true according to the Washington Post.

As the forwarded email stated, there are many possible conclusions from this email, but there's one important statement that still has gone unsaid.

His words are more beautiful than his music and his face put together.

Sacré Blech! The French Have Super Sales Too?

I always assumed the French spent all their time chain-smoking in cafes, wearing berets, and making artsy movies with an artistic disregard for jump cuts. The only other way they occupied their time was by being occupied by Germany (WWII ZING!). But now, new pictures reveal the French take part in activities that are decidedly un-French. In fact, they are downright American. Of course, I speak of super sales...

The French winter sale season just kicked in. I'm not sure why they have all their sales after Christmas as opposed to before like we do. Knowing the French, they are probably just trying to be difficult.

I have been looking at these pictures all morning, and I haven't found a single mime or baguette. What has become of the Paris I je' t'aime'd?


"Super?" Hey, France, that's our word that we use to describe something that's great and American! I believe the printers who created the sign meant to write "Snooty Soldes," but got confused due to all the espresso in their system.

As an American, I do not feel comfortable with France encroaching on what we do best; mindless consumerism. For this reason, I've recontextualized these images in a decidedly Frenchier and animated GIF'ier way.

My movie is just like La Jetée except not 26 minutes long and boring.